I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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