yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
