He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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