Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Panties = found
Randomize
