there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dick very happy bro
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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