Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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