im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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