i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
