Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
