She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
