the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
