Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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