god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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