Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
