Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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