she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
