you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
