there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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