I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize