So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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