You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
