i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
