My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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