Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
