Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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