I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
