i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
