I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she smelled like a LAN party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
