Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
