the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
