I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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