He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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