it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
