He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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