I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
