I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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