Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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