So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
