i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
