I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
