I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
