i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
