Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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