dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
