soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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