I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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