You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
