Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
