It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
