I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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