I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
