girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
