Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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