I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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