Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
