Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
