He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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