What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you win again, gameday.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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