38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
