I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
