she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
3 2 1 whiskey
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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