Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dicks are not precious.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
