im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
