the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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