i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
