That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
