'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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